Hi there!
Before I really begin chatting with you, I want to mention a few things: I don’t think I’m necessarily overweight. Nor do I necessarily think I need to lose weight. Have I before needed to lose a few lbs? Absolutely. So for the past year I’ve spent time working out, eating healthier and getting to a better relationship with food, exercise and self-worth. But for now, I feel like I’m at a place where I’m quite content with myself.
Today, I want to talk about why I quit the scale and why it’s made me so much happier. Grab a cup of coffee and let’s get to it!
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
A year ago things were at a complete 180; my weight was the center of everything. Every single pound made a difference in my attitude, demeanor and self-worth. Each ounce mattered like you wouldn’t believe. Losing a pound felt like I’d received a compliment, won a race, or perhaps how it made me feel like I looked so much better in the mirror. But gaining a pound? The complete opposite. A tragedy in my mind; a reason to eat less and exercise more; or to simply condemn myself for eating something I truly enjoyed the day before.
Harsh words, right? But to be honest, I was living my life like I was living on the scale. Teetering back and forth between good and bad every single day.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Maybe the number on the scale controls your happiness for some reason you don’t know of yet. Perhaps you haven’t been able to identify the why. For me the scale was an obsession; something that fueled my eating disorder patterns for years. The feeling inside me was an addiction, scratching at the inside forcing me to jump on and claim today you will be judged by this number! Most of all, the scale just made me feel ugly.
Why talk about this?
My hope is to share my feelings and thoughts with you, always in hopes to inspire. To share a voice among many women who don’t talk about eating disorders because it’s embarrassing, thought to be weird or in fear of being judged. Well, everybody’s got something. Truly everyone has something that makes them uncomfortable, however I truly believe that the courage to talk about issues that don’t get enough attention are indescribably helpful.
So anyway… this awful, dreadful scale. Let’s talk about it.
Living By the Scale Numbers
During college when I lost about 40 pounds and went from a healthy weight to severely underweight, the scale was my best friend. I loved when the scale went down and told me a shiny new number; it was what I knew when it came to weight loss. I wasn’t educated on nutrition and lacked the understanding and fundamentals of healthy living. I didn’t understand that the scale was just a number and the smaller it got, the less of a great person I became. Everything was about food, exercise and… well, the scale. It felt like mirror, mirror on the wall… who’s the prettiest of them all. The scale was the only thing I felt like I had control over in my life; I didn’t want to deal with my father’s death, experience emotions, or figure out a career. I just needed to be thin.
After college, I realized I had something I needed to deal with: getting back to a healthy weight and a better relationship with food. The problem? Food overwhelmed me. It was easy to taper back on exercising, but now that I had to reintroduce foods into my diet, I was uncomfortable. I wanted to eat everything. In fact, I ate all the food! I just could not stop myself. And then I quickly gained back every single pound I lost, plus 10 more.
Then the scale taunted and disappointed me. We were no longer friends. Each and every day it hurt my feelings. Most of all, it had control over me.
And I didn’t like it one bit.
When I Decided to Quit the Scale
During the past year, I weighed myself countless times per day. Yes, per day. Once in the morning with all my clothes off, during lunch, in the evenings. Anytime, really. Before and after I ate was common.
Okay so truth be told, I really didn’t mean to quit the scale. When I moved to Chicago in November 2014, the scale I owned broke during the transition. My yoga studio doesn’t have one either, so I was forced to be without it. After nearly a month I broke down and bought another one at Target; however this time instead of bringing it home, I kept it at Tony’s.
Being scaleless in my own space was liberating! I ate what I wanted; all with a balanced mindset. Greens at nearly every meal, dessert at least 2x per week, and healthier wholesome homemade snacks. Less french fries, more salad! And all of this without stepping on a scale in between.
Of course there were some days when I thought I bet I’ve gained 5 pounds or oh my God, my thighs are so fat! But then, I’d step on the scale a week or two, or sometimes a month later, and the number would always be somewhat the same.
Now the scale is there (at Tony’s) for a little check in every now and then. Just for me. Not for good or bad or anything in between, just a little check in with myself. And I really don’t need it. I judge it by how I feel in my clothes and how what I eat contributes to my outlook and happiness. The scale also can’t account for my muscle mass (unless you have a fancy scale), happiness, water weight, or anything else that our bodies go through each and every day.
It’s different for everyone though; I get that. We need to make our own choices on what works best for us. And kicking the scale out of my house was a great one for me.
Question
Do you have a scale? Does it give you anxiety? Or are you happy to have one? Leave a comment below!
Next up…
Requests and/or Questions for Wellness Wednesdays!
I want to hear from you! What do you want to topics do you want to talk about on Wellness Wednesdays? I’m all ears! If you have any questions and/or topic suggestions feel free to leave a comment below, contact me through my site or send me an email at ambitiouskitchen {at} gmail {dot} com.
As always, thanks for being here. I adore you!
Yay! Im glad someone else doesn’t use the scale..this year I lost close to 30 pounds( Im 16) and I lost them unhealthily… so the last few weeks I have been avoiding the scale and trying to eat more healthy… my family is really hard to deal with. They make fun of my efforts. Anyway it is liberating but Im petrified to get back on the scale!Before I would only try to eat 1200 calories a day. I would count literally every little calorie and if I got over 1200 I would mentally beat my self up! It was awful! So now Ive stopped counting calories and started try eating more balanced portions- its hard when Mom makes fried chicken and coffee cake and biscuits and has candy sitting out everywhere. I overeat healthy food tho! Do you have any tips?
Hi Fern! I’m glad to hear that you’ve been able to quit the scale. So sorry to hear about the struggle with your family – my best advice is to seek out professional help so that you have great tools to navigate this journey. Thinking of you!
I do have a scale, but I only use it once a week or even every two weeks. I’m pretty solid at making sure it doesn’t control my life, but there are times when I feel as if there’s so much value in that dumb number!
Monique,
Your story sounds eerily similar to mine: gained the freshman 15, lost 60, gained some (much needed) weight back (+some extra). It’s really comforting to know that I’m not alone!
The scale was a vice for me, too. But I eventually got to the point that I was sick of the intense mood swings that resulted because of the simple spring system. It’s amazing what getting rid of that crutch did to my self-esteem!
I’m still trying to figure out how to eat mindfully, but I’m getting closer every day. Thank you for your openness with this post!
love this so much! thanks so much for your vulnerability and openness. The internet needs this!!
Ah….the devilish SCALE….I remember smuggling mine into my third (of four…sad) inpatient experience, to “verify”…somehow “quantify” my reason for existing on this lovely planet. I applaud your candor about your personal experiences and speaking of what is so crucial to re-find a sense of normalcy of food. One has to allow for pleasure and NOT feel like a “Clean-Eating” failure if we have a hankering for an item not engraved on any arbitrary “safe” list.
I think an interesting topic might include the observation of children’s eating patterns…how they magically…no…rather NORMALLY, know and choose what they truly feel like eating…and stopping when it is enough for their own persons…and get on to the REST of life …dropping the food “thoughts” because they have honored their hungers and desires to GET ON with the play, learning and the rest of their incredibly charged, new days! …Seriously, if I pretend I am twelve and ask myself “What do I feel like (eating) now”….clean or not…I am somehow…surprisingly satisfied and can think about other things than alimentation…avoiding…restricting…punishing….
Thank you for re-introducing humanity into self-honoring eating!
I have had such a terrible relationship with the scale. I was obsessed for years and it wasn’t my friend. No number was ever low enough, and a gain of even .1 caused thoughts of failure and the need to restrict and exercise until I can’t anymore. Numbers are my biggest trigger, and I still struggle with them but the last time that I stepped on the scale was over a year ago right before I went to treatment. I haven’t felt more free before. Although I get anxious and the thoughts that you expressed about being so fat or gaining weight, I have my doctor to check on me and reassure me that my thoughts are distorted. It’s such a weight (no pun intended) off of my shoulders. No one deserves to be ruled by a scale.
Great post, friend! I got rid of my scale a long time ago too. After high school I went through a cycle of gaining and losing weight and the scale totally dictated how I felt through it all. Since then I’ve found more of a balance with my diet and have discovered, like you said, that even when I feel like I’ve overindulged I always weigh about the same. Go figure. I can tell how I’m doing based on how my clothes fit now. Though I still struggle with feeling good about my body some days – and I likely always will – not having a scale has helped tremendously. Thanks for your vulnerability on this! Loving these wellness Wednesday posts! Keep them comin’ ;D
Love these posts! I went through a similar situation right after college when I was working 60-70 hour weeks. It feels so great to be ‘off the scale’ and focused more on overall health and happiness. Thanks so much for sharing your story! Would love to hear more about your workouts!
This post also resonates with me. My old scale broke about 3 months ago and I didn’t have time to run out and get another, so I did without it for a week. Not once during that week did I wonder how much I weighed and just really being in tune to what I was eating at each meal, and not fretting over what i should or shouldn’t eat because it’ll affect the number on the scale. It was so liberating! My biggest regret was buying another one and I am back to the multiple daily weigh-ins and am just miserable. After reading this, I am giving up the scale as of right now. It’s not healthy and just stressful. Thank you Monique.
This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’m in the midst of planning my wedding, the scale and I have become frenemies…everyone wants to lose those “few pounds” before their big day…and I, well, do need to lose some, but I’ve been going through a hormonal imbalance which is affecting my weight. It’s been easy to beat myself up over what I eat and how much I exercise and sometimes I just feel like giving up and eating ALL the chips. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me that the scale is just a number and I will get to that healthy place before my wedding and stick with it after the big day 🙂
beautiful post monique! i really REALLY loved reading about your experience with the scale and weight loss. i can personally relate to so much- almost exactly!-of your thought process and sentiments. you’re so right about eating disorders not being discussed enough because of the embarrassment and judgment that comes along with this topic. thank you for being brave and honest with sharing your health journey. i feel like i’m chatting with a friend. loving wellness wednesdays!
Thanks for reading Rachel! 🙂
Being at college has helped me give up the scale and I could not be happier about it! There is no scale in my dorm room, and it feels freeing to not have to feel required to step on it every morning! I am with you- giving up the scale was one of the best things I could have ever done. 🙂
That’s so great to hear!
Great article, Monique! Super enlightening about weight loss and wellbeing 🙂
This post is so timely! I was just thinking about ditching my scale in Monday morning. Reading this just solidifies the fact that I should. There’s no need to stress about a number a machine is telling me, but rather go by how I look and feel. Thanks for this great post!!
PS- I did read this with a cup of coffee. A great mid-morning reading break 🙂
Yes, do it for a week or two and see how you feel. I weight myself about every two weeks, more so because I’m curious but not because I’m concerned. Thanks for the comment!
I weigh myself every morning and admit to allowing the number to affect my mood/day. I would love to get to the place you are at since I too suffer from an ED. Too many years wasted and opportunities missed. It gives me hope to see you successfully conquering your demons and finding balance. It seems the world is obsessed with outward appearances and focus on the wrapping not the gift. It’s hard to find balance when everyone seems to view worth by how healthy you eat and how hard you work out. Just once I’d love to hear about someone having a cupcake and not apologizing for it or having to spend an hour in the gym to account for it. Thanks for being a voice for well being.
Hi Jen! Thanks for leaving a comment. The beauty of food is that it can be nourishing, but it can also be pleasureful. The best thing I did was eat within a balance and allow myself treats a few times a week. A cupcake or cookie in the afternoon, or perhaps an ice cream cone after a meal. Sometimes I load up on fro yo toppings too! The funny thing is that this gave me the opportunity to me more open about the foods I ate, especially when I saw that it didn’t affect the scale or my body. In fact it made me happier! I exercise and eat well and sneak in treats. Life is good. There are too many other things to worry about in the world, and after a recent health scare, I realized that you really do just have to live day to day. Do you best, but truly LIVE! 🙂
Thank you for being so honest about this stuff – it seems like most of life expects us to look great, be healthy, and do it all effortlessly. I agree that a number is not the be-all and end-all; a good – read: happy – relationship with our body is what we’re all striving for.
Strangely enough, for me, owning a scale has the opposite effect – I grew up in a house without a scale in which everyone (else) was athletic and naturally slim. I used to obsess about whether or not I was gaining weight, how much I was really eating, etc. etc. etc. About 3 years ago I finally just bought a scale – though I use it only once a week – and started keeping a food diary. Now I’m so much more relaxed about it because once I have a number and have written down those cookies I just ate, I don’t have to wonder and think about it anymore. And wouldn’t you know, I lost 20lb since… slowly, but without excessive worrying! Instead, I now obsess over my latest running times, but that’s an improvement, right?
Thanks for leaving a comment! Everyone has to do what’s best for themselves and if you are comfortable with the scale, I applaud you! You go girl! 🙂
Giving up the scale was seriously one of the most liberating things for me. I needed to gain a lot of weight to recover from my eating disorder, and avoiding the scale was the only way I was able to do that. I think numbers mess with our heads way too much and make us focus on something that doesn’t even matter instead of paying attention to how we feel. Glad to hear that you’re reaping the benefits as well 🙂
xoxo love you girl!
My scale is gathering dust since more than a year – I try to lead a healthy lifestyle, do lots of sport and eat good food. Treats are part of it and I enjoy them without guilt, life is too short!
I quit the scale a couple years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I finally realized my worth is not determined by a number on a scale. If you’ve eaten too much, you know. Your clothes will tell you. But obsessing over a number only leads to bad things. Thanks for sharing your story.