Wellness Wednesday is back! As many of you know, I was on vacation last week. It was blissful, relaxing, and just about everything I needed; except when it wasn’t. Except when there were a million food choices. But especially because it brought up food issues for me. It reminded me of the times where I ate a few too many cookies (I’m talking like 6). The times where I felt overwhelmed by food, the hours where it controlled what I was doing, how I made decisions and my power of choice. Those moments where it consumed every ounce of me. And I hated that feeling more than anything.
Feeling all of those feelings again isn’t pleasant, especially when you’ve struggled with something so powerful. I don’t expect you to relate unless you’ve had an unhealthy relationship with food before.
First things first. I’ll admit I was working out like crazy before my trip. As you may know, I have lost 15 pounds since last year but sometimes still feel uncomfortable with my body. I promised myself before the trip that I wouldn’t eat crazy amounts of food on vacation and most certainly I would work out every single day.
You see what I did there? My thinking was completely flawed. I was basically already self-rejecting my body and the way I look. The decision was already made before I was on the trip: My body did not look good enough and most certainly I would have to work out vigorously and eat less in order to look good in a swimsuit. For me, there was a discrepancy between who I would like to be and who I actually am now. I was splitting myself into good and bad.
Thankfully, I caught myself thinking this way. I could see what a self destructing path it was going to be. Black and white thinking was back and angrily staring at me right in the face; it was my enemy. Deep down inside, I knew I would want to eat more than I actually needed. But that it would be okay, even if I felt uncomfortable with it. I told myself that it is vacation and after all, you should be able to relax a little. What I needed to do was set realistic limits for myself. It didn’t need to be all or nothing; instead it could be a little of this and a little of that.
Here’s the thing about realistic limits when it comes to food: There shouldn’t be a deadline to food just because you want immediate change. And example would be to completely eliminate chocolate from your diet, when you current eat it every day. That’s going from all to nothing and will most likely lead to a complete binge. This happened to my Mom for a while. She was in love with chips. She still is. She ate them nearly every day for as long as I remember; it was a necessary thing in her diet since she’s pretty much the healthiest person I know. The problem was that when my Mom ate chips, she went to town. She would eat 3-4 servings of them and end up with a stomach ache; ultimately it was her weakness when it came to food. Therefore she decided that she would eliminate them from her diet. Guess what? It didn’t work. She actually ended up binging on chips more than she was before. Finally she tried tapering back a bit, telling herself she would only have chips 3-4 times a week and she would have the proper serving. I’m happy to report that she’s doing much better with her chip addiction because she was able to set realistic limits for herself.
The realistic limit for myself was to eat 3 meals a day and allow myself to indulge once a day on vacation. I told myself to try and make healthy choices, but that it would be okay to enjoy dessert and order a few things I haven’t had in quite a while. And I did! I ate dessert nearly every night. I also ordered a cheeseburger with Tony’s encouragement (of course). Gosh, it was seriously the best cheeseburger ever. And the ice cream was everything I could have hoped for.
Here’s an example:
- I will enjoy a healthy, high-protein breakfast every morning to get my day started right. Even though the pastries might look good, I will stick to eggs and one serving of a grain.
- I will not eat excessive sugar in the morning.
- I will feel free to order what sounds good to me on the dinner menu.Â
- I will order something I normally wouldn’t order at a restaurant. For me, this was a cheeseburger. I only eat them twice a year.
- I will eat dessert if it looks good. I will have one serving and be satisfied. Turns out, this was flexible. One evening Tony and I got a bunch of mini slices of cake and tried a bite of each, then we had ice cream cones.Â
- I will stay active during my trip. I wore my pedometer so that I could monitor my steps.
- I will try and eat veggies at every meal.
- I will drink lots of water.
Did I feel overwhelmed by my not-so-perfect eating decisions during the trip? Yes, of course. Did I teeter on an almost binge eating episode? Yep, definitely. But Tony was there to support me and I happen to know the feeling of a binge; the guilt and how it overpowers every part of you. I didn’t want that feeling to consume my trip, emotions and power. My limitations helped to me keep in check. I would not say no to any foods unless I truly disliked them. I would place fruits and veggies on my plate at nearly almost every meal. I would enjoy dessert and a hearty meal or two. I would eat a salad when I know I didn’t have enough greens during the day. I would simply try this whole balanced food approach.
During the trip, I made sure to stay active by walking frequently, swimming, running on the beach or playing tennis. I didn’t force myself to go to the gym to pound away on the treadmill, but instead indulged myself in activities I truly enjoy. It helped to not have rigid exercise limitations.
So yes, I have a weakness for food but I also know that I’m strong, determined, and passionate. I know that there will be days where I struggle; times where I’ll eat even though it’s not for nourishment but more so for pleasure. Above all, I know that there’s more to feast on than just food. I can feast on the beauty of the ocean, the laughter between Tony and I, the passion of tennis. I also feast on the things I know I’m good at; creative, unique abilities, making recipes and sharing my passions.
Over the past year, I’ve really tried to catch my black and white thoughts about body image or weight and re-frame them into something positive. I’m still working on is overcoming perfectionist thinking and am trying to redefine my definition of success when it comes to my career and body. It’s taking me over a year to really acknowledge my strengths and embrace my weaknesses; who knows if I’ll ever be 100% happy with every single part of me, but wasting time thinking about my body is like wasting precious energy. Energy and time that could be invested into something truly worthwhile. Something that makes my soul happy.
The whole point of this is to tell you that if your an emotional eater, vacations may be hard for you. Or really any time not spent in the comfort zone of your own home. Our limits are often too extreme or nonexistent. There never seems to be a place that feels balanced and just right. Sometimes setting limits will mean tolerating uncomfortable cravings for sweet or salty foods, or perhaps it means eating more than you usually would and being more flexible with your diet. Boundaries shouldn’t be too loose or too rigid. Overall, I’ve learned it’s important to feast your soul on other things besides food.
I’ve been loving your wellness Wednesday posts and this one definitely resonated with me as I struggle with food and body issues of my own. I lost a bunch of weight after a difficult breakup, which was nice but I know it wasn’t the healthy way to lose weight. Now that I have an appetite again, I’m working on having a healthy relationship with food and being comfortable in my body. As always, thanks for sharing. (Also, I totally blew through “it was me all along” after seeing your Instagram post and loved it!)
During my vacation and the holidays in December, I was very free with eating dessert and extra guacamole and things, but I balanced it out by exercising every day and reminding myself that even if I have 5 chocolate chip cookies one night, I won’t wake up 30 pounds heavier the next morning.
It’s soo hard to get out of the all-or-nothing mindset, but I agree you have to be realistic and gentle with yourself sometimes!
Thanks for leaving a comment – I just checked out your blog. You are super funny! 🙂
This was really encouraging to read. I have been following you for a little bit and I can relate to almost all of these things. I am in recovery for anorexia, depression, and anxiety and I struggle daily, but I have made so much progress since being in treatment. Being on vacation and out of my “routine” is so uncomfortable but reading this reality checked me a bit. Thank you!
Thanks for your comment Katrina! You definitely aren’t along in your struggle. I think you’ll see that in all these comments. Stay strong and be well. All the best!
Thank you so much for writing this post! I completely relate to the thought process you shared. I have a big trip coming up in May as a graduation celebration, and a little part of me has been worried about my relationship with food getting in the way. I know how it feels worrying about overindulging even after telling yourself that it’s ok every once in a while. It’s something I’m still working on myself. The pictures from your trip look beautiful, and I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Thanks for the tips and the delicious recipes! I especially love the idea that there are other things to feast on. I’ll definitely be saving this post to reference back to before my trip 🙂
Hi Monique! As a girl with food issues, I’m very thankful for this post. I’ve had this struggle for a long time and now it’s finally going away. Next week I’m leaving for an one mouth vacation and it feels like it’s the first time in my life I didn’t freak out about how I look or what I should or shouldn’t eat. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and I’m so happy that you enjoyed your time in Mexico! Food IS a major part of life, but it shouldn’t be the mayor subject of our thoughts and feelings. Thank you so much for sharing this, you are an inspiration.
One of the last post I wrote before going on a bit of a vacation myself talked about some of the same things you were mentioning at the beginning of your post here. Classifying yourself or your food choices as good or bad means that you’re choosing to see yourself as a good person or a bad person based on what you eat. Rolf Gates writes in his book, Meditations from the Mat: “…energy is like a muscle; it grows when we use it.” p.65 So, if you choose to think of yourself as a good person who makes good food choices….that energy will grow and your relationship with food will be a positive one. Great job on thinking positively in hindsight on your trip!
Balancing food & exercise is the key for me. Although eating healthy breakfasts & fresh fruit & veggies is the ideal, it’s not always possible on vacation. Plus, when you’re in a different place, you don’t want to regret not trying some local food. Indulge moderately. Exercise when you can, don’t beat yourself up# that’s how I enjoy my vacation. Good job. PS LOVE your pictures!
Thank you SO much for this post. I struggle with the same exact issues…I feel like you were writing about me. These issues are something that I’ve struggled with for a long time and I am working on overcoming them. I find that vacations stress me out too and I try to “plan” my week if I know I am going to have to go out to dinner or eat out for a special occasion, so I have to be extra “good” and work out longer before those occasions. I know deep down it shouldn’t matter, but I still struggle with it every day. There are so many other things to focus on, enjoy, and direct my energy toward, but it’s just a matter of convincing myself and making peace with that. Thanks so much for the words and inspiration.
You’re fantastic. I think when we struggle with food or eating habits we tend to think we’re alone in the world, and we’re the only people with issues while everyone else is happy, skinny, fit, eating away and in love with their bodies. It’s helpful, and freeing to see that there are other people who struggle too… and that’s ok. There is no quick fix, but ultimately the ‘fix’ comes from within.
I had to read a book to understand that food is not a threat and eating intuitively will get you better results and peace of mind than any diet – and it actually did! It took me away from my anorexic mindset (I never fully developed anorexia, but my fear of food and guilt of eating were as good as)It’s a process…and it’s sad that I had to read a book to remind me of being human – but hey, whatever helps!
Anyways…thank you for being honest and sharing your experience 🙂
Such an empowering post. I recently went on a vacation and struggled with the strict limitations that I set, and the black and white thinking that constantly distracted me. The vacation was more stressful, than relaxing, despite sitting by a beach and being unplugged from the rest of the world. It’s so helpful to know that I am not alone in my struggle and that it is possible to find the balance that the ability to be comfortable with discomfort.
I’ve been on a vacation like that before and it felt debilitating; like I couldn’t do anything because food was the only thing on my mind. Thankfully I’m in a better place now – it’s taken quite a while but I’m so happy to hear that others have had this same struggle. Thank you for leaving a comment.
Ah this was so wonderful! Thank you. I struggle with the exact same problems as you and vacation and special days (like birthdays or a random celebration every once and a while) tend to derail me. I’m trying to learn to embrace these moments and just move forward instead of categorizing them (and myself) into good and bad. Life’s to short to fret over these things!
Ohhh special days can be hard to. But I’ve learned to stop worrying about the calories – sometimes I just tell myself that it’s time for a slice of cake. And then I eat it with enjoyment and know that it’s done and I don’t need seconds.