Before I get into details of what I’ve been experiencing, I want to highlight that this post is simply describing my personal feelings during pregnancy, some of which I’m sure some women can relate to. While I understand that I’m nourishing my body and baby, I also can’t deny the very real emotions that come with being pregnant and gaining weight.
Since this is my first pregnancy, it’s all very new, raw and real.
Of course, any type of weight gain can be a hard pill to swallow, even when you have a reason for it (like a baby!). I’ve come to understand that it’s been even more difficult for me because not only does weight gain happen so quickly over pregnancy, but it’s also completely out of your control — another thing I’m not used to.
As many of you probably know, I suffered from an eating disorder for several years in my early 20’s. It really took a toll on both my mental and physical health, but I was able to make it to a happy medium through therapy, self-care and self-discovery.
While I am no longer in a place where food controls my life nor do I suffer from disordered eating patterns, I can and will recognize that the weight gain during pregnancy has often times made me feel uneasy and unsteady.
Some days, I’ve simply felt negative thoughts creeping in, especially when the numbers on the scale creep up. Often I ask myself why these stupid numbers even matter if I feel good? News flash: they don’t! Yet, in my heart I know that weight gain is what baby needs, I have also felt as though I’m losing control when it comes to my body.
First, I want to acknowledge that it’s OKAY to have these feelings and that it doesn’t make me a bad person or mama. I’m only human. I am allowed to feel unsteady through this vulnerable part of life.
Thankfully, I’ve spent a significant amount of time developing anxiety coping tools to help me process what my mind is going through in situations like this.
For instance: just because I have a thought about weight gain, doesn’t mean I need to sit with it. Instead, I can choose to say something positive about myself or my beautiful son. I can choose to see that putting life in this world is one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given, and that often, a positive thought is all I need to make me feel that much better.
Shifting your mindset is all about shifting your perspective. You can choose to make it positive or negative.
I’ve also realized that having a good relationship with my body and self for the past few years, was mostly through control. I got used to weighing between a certain amount, used to having and being able to workout as hard as I wanted, and used to eating certain things. It was a range, but it was my happy range.
Pregnancy has certainly began to challenge me to practice more self-acceptance and self-responsibility when it comes to having a positive relationship with my body, and I’m thankful for that.
I’m grateful to consistently learn and grow as a woman and soon to be mother, but I’m also accepting the changes my body and mind are taking me through. Body changes are apart of journey to motherhood, there is no avoiding it, there is only acceptance.
Instead of focusing on my weight during pregnancy, here’s what else I’ve done:
- wrote in a journal about all of my symptoms, the baby movements and what’s going on with current life
- talked to other women about body changes and thoughts. It’s so refreshing to talk to others who have gone through similar experiences
- worked out to feel good both physically and mentally.
- read a pregnancy book to get excited about all the things I still have yet to experience
- hired a doula as a pregnancy resource
- learning about breastfeeding (whoo!)
- shifting my mindset from negative to positive by reminding myself of the big picture (I’m going to have a baby boy soon!)
- take time to treat myself well by going for a walk or listening to music to get out of a funk
- read positive quotes on Instagram and Pinterest.
- remind myself that weight gain isn’t bad, it’s apart of the LIFE growing inside me.
While this whole transition into pregnancy thing hasn’t been the easiest, it has been a beautiful learning experience, and I’m incredibly excited to meet my baby boy! In case you’re wondering: he’s 21 weeks strong right now!
Thanks for reading all the realness. xo.
Jumpsuit linked here.
Thank you… thank you for being honest and sharing this journey. I am 24 weeks pregnant and the past week my thoughts have been spiralling out of control in regards to my changing body. You feel like you can’t share these with anyone or be judged for not being 100% excited all the time for baby. My husband and I are excited, but I need the permission to feel and process the change. This post was so needed right now, thank you.
I’m so glad to hear it resonated ❤️ You got this, mama! And CONGRATULATIONS! 🤗
I absolutely love this post. It can be absolutely distressful to cope with en entirely different part of your life that physiologically impacts you drastically–it’s even worse when you see some people still working out like CRAZY while they are pregnant (which who in their right mind would recommend?!) and restricting their calories and all that. It’s ultimately more than just about you, it’s ensuring that you and your baby both being healthy. Thank you so much for being open and raw about everything going on in your pregnancy. You are going to be an amazing mother and it’s even more beautiful that you’re openly showcasing your shifting energy and making it more loving towards yourself and your body!
This helped me more than you’ll ever know. Thank you!!! You write beautifully, and your pictures are GORGEOUS. Thank you! It’s been so helpful to follow your pregnancy journey!! xx
You’re not alone. I had an eating disorder for 15 years, and I’m also pregnant with my first (8 months in). In the exact same place as you – recovered, and as beautiful an experience it is to create a human, it’s also been scary and unsettling. I eat healthy and balanced (with room for cravings), have exercised throughout my pregnancy, but still, inevitably gain weight. Not just in my belly, like… everywhere. I’ve had to accept that during these 9 months, my body isn’t totally mine, and I need to let it do whatever potentially unsettling stuff it needs to do in order to grow my healthy baby boy. Every time I feel him kick, I know it’s worth it, and I know that when I see his face for the first time, it will outweigh any mental uneasiness and body image issues a thousand fold.
I’m so excited for you! You’ve got this… and trust that as much as we can’t control what happens to our bodies during pregnancy, that your body knows what it’s doing! Best wishes to you, mama.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I struggle with acceptance and happiness with my body and I find that I am able to accept my body because I get to control my exercise and eating habits (and therefore my weight). I’ve been afraid of how my mind would respond when I do get pregnant and my body changes. I appreciate your openness and encouragement, and I hope that I can continue to learn from your experiences.
I had the same fears with my pregnancies. We work so hard to keep in shape. Getting pregnant is like putting all that progress on hold, but I can honestly say that it isn’t the end. After three kids, I am in better shape than I was before. Eating healthy is the most important. Don’t let weight gain get to you- it will come off! Enjoy these times of change. You will gain strength in many aspects of your journey through motherhood.
Yes, the “loss of control” feeling was one of the challenging parts of pregnancy for me, too. But it’s an important lesson to learn for labor, delivery, postpartum, and motherhood as a whole! Wishing you well throughout your pregnancy. 🙂
I love this! Super important and not something people talk about enough. I’m a few weeks ahead of you and will say it is fun once you’ve “popped” and it’s more clear that you are indeed pregnant–but still a tough pill to swallow. Another thing I loved is totally embracing comfy, stretchy maternity clothes, especially the ones that highlight my bump 🙂
Was wondering how you were handling gaining weight while pregnant, knowing that you had an eating disorder in the past. Glad to here you have found a positive outlook about it and found ways to combat that voice that tries to tell you something negative. I love hearing about your journey throughout all of this process. Thank your for sharing it with us. I have been reading your blog for so many years and love seeing how your life has evolved.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am not pregnant yet but I hope to be relatively soon, and while I yearn for children my fear of body changes plagues me so much and really interferes with being able to enter in to the goodness of having children. This makes me feel so guilty but hearing other women’s similar experiences is so comforting. It’s a good reminder that women are made this way and I’m not the only one. Thank you for having the courage to share this.
Thank you for being vulnerable and real, Monique. So many women struggle with these same issues and will be able to find strength in your shared experience. Many blessings to you and your sweet baby boy
I really appreciate you discussing this here! My husband and I are planning to start a family soon (I’m actually your age!) and having had a past of disordered eating myself I’m glad to read your thoughts on pregnancy weight gain. It makes me feel like I’ll be able to handle it too one day. Thank you for your honesty! 🙂
I have dealt with exercise addiction off and on since high school. I always put so much of my personal weight into my appearance and physical fitness. I am also a personal trainer and wellness coach so the pressure to look a certain way has always been looming. However, my pregnancy and being a mom has made it all so trivial. I still workout and try to eat healthy but it is like a switch was flipped in my brain. It has been the most freeing experience. I am no longer a slave to my exercise regimen and diet. I embrace the Wendy’s drive thru on busy days and kale salads when I have my shit together. I hope you have a similar experience and you can enjoy letting go 😀
You’ve got this! You look amazing and your little boy is going to be the luckiest little thing ever!!
Just a quick thought…I would love to see you branch out to healthy kid friendly foods, finger foods, etc. when the time comes!! 🙂
<3
I’m a mom of a 2 1/2 year old, with another on the way. With my first pregnancy I gained weight really rapidly and wound up gaining 50 pounds (which felt like yikes if I thought too much about it) but it came off pretty quickly with not much more effort than long walks with baby in the stroller. Before I got pregnant the second time I was 5 pounds heavier than before, but I’d been breastfeeding almost the whole time and I didn’t push myself too much to lose the weight because I knew a second baby was in our future. This second time my weight gain is a lot slower, which goes to show each pregnancy is different.
Good for you on using the tools you’ve already got to help yourself stay positive!
If I could have told myself anything in retrospect about pregnancy weight gain, it would be that it is temporary.
In a blink of a lifetime, the time period of weight gain during pregnancy is nothing! You gain, the you lose, the body changes a bit, life goes on. My feeling of being stuck with weight gain happened when pregnancy seemed to last for.ev.er, yet my full term twin pregnancy body was gone so fast it felt like a surreal dream, and one I wanted to remember (even though pregnancy was one million years long.) I agree with the commenter who said your body is your partner and guide for eating during pregnancy. You are an inspiring and strong person, and are bravely facing fears!
Yesssss. I’m 40.4 weeks pregnant and have had a pretty great pregnancy overall but the weight gain portion was/is a hurdle no doubt. Regardless how much I worked out it just kept coming and the control piece of that was so difficult. It seems people only every share the physical difficulties of pregnancies and the emotional & psychological are often left for self Discovery. No matter how grateful we are for this miracle of life it doesn’t make the other pieces easy. Thanks so much for sharing. Hope your remaining weeks are uneventful, happy, and content to be in the moment. Cheers, from one blonde & pregnant monique to another 😉
I totally relate and feel for you. I have a history of disordered eating, so surrendering to the pregnancy weight gain was a challenge. In my first pregnancy, one midwife made an offhand comment about my weight having taken a big jump from one month to the next, and I was sobbing in the car afterwards. My husband went back in and explained that weight is a sensitive subject for me, and they never commented on it again. I’ve now had three kids in 4 years, with lots of weight fluctuations. The best thing I did for my mental health during my third pregnancy was to stop looking at the scale- even at my appointments. I just trusted that if there was any cause for concern, my midwife would tell me. Be gentle with yourself. You are strong, and you’ll emerge from this stronger than you ever knew you could be.
You are absolutely gorgeous & radiant pregnant Monique! I loved this share because i went through very similar experiences when I was younger too & it’s a miracle for me to be free from disordered eating & a negative body image. It’s so important we share our experiences with one another- it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one going through these things when not actively connecting & sharing. Our society now seems to be lacking that in general, authentic sharing. My thoughts concerning pregnancy are just to trust your body completely- it’s a total surrender & trust process- know that you are working with it not against it. There’s no need to ‘control’ it because it wants to partner with you in thriving! It’s divine in its intelligence and is not going to fail you, especially with the respect & love you are committed to offering it. Your body was beautiful before, will be & is during, (hot mama alert in gorgeous summer sun dress!) & will be after. ❤️Xo
As someone with a long history of eating disorders and 16 weeks pregnant I can totally relate. I do not know how much weight I have gained, as I weigh backwards at the doctors office and do not have a scale at home. This has been a huge help.
Lovely to read Monique as it’s not something that is commonly talked about. I’d suggest just not weighing yourself! And I’m sure if your doctor “has” to weigh you they can not show you. I think that’d help me anyway 🙂
Hi Megan! Hiding a number isn’t going to help a fear 🙂 It’s better to face these things head on, and I’m at a point in my life where I have the coping skills to be okay with whatever number is on the scale!
Actually, it’s not always better to look at the number on the scale – especially for those who have a history with eating disorders. If looking at a number is triggering, people should feel empowered to ask their healthcare providers to not disclose the number. So…it’s not necessarily better to “face these things head on.”
I do the same! Going by how I feel vs a number really makes a huge difference for me!
Ah, I can so relate to these feelings. My daughter is five months old and it’s been a struggle at times to watch my body change through pregnancy and now to be in the postpartum period (and breastfeeding). Our bodies go through so much during this time and they are truly AMAZING but it can be hard to feel so out of control or unable to do things we previously could (ie. intense workouts). It’s all worth it of course, but it doesn’t make it easy! You have such a healthy perspective about it all – you’re doing great, mama!
Thanks Amanda! 🙂
It certainly is a complete change in how we were taught to think. Pregnancy weight gain is necessary and positive. It’s part of the process. So moving into a mindset of embracing and accepting It will only help you going forward in your motherhood journey… there’s a lot that will be beyond your control, so having that peaceful mindset is crucial. Sounds like you’re already figuring that out! Best of luck to you on this amazing stage of life 🙂
So true! Embracing the unknown is a great perspective. I’m sure many things will be out of my control in my soon to be future 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this! I too am recovered from an eating disorder and am 22 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I resinated with everything you are feeling regarding control and weight gain. I wish you the best of luck on the rest of this pregnancy journey!
Thank you for sharing this. It’s nice to hear other women talk about these feelings and how to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. I’ve been feeling the exact same for the last few weeks and this made me feel good about myself and keep thinking of how amazing our bodies are!
I am a new Mom and the „weight thing “ was a big „fear“ for me during pregnancy. What I learned was: your body knows what todo and it will gain weight accordingly to what your baby needs. What you can do is to listen to your needs and eat/exercise to „feel good“ not to reach any fitness goals… so I had fastfood when I craved it and I ate candy when I wanzed some and of course I had healthy food every day. I just had a „no diet, no restriction“ attitude…
At the end of the pregnancy I couldn‘t eat pretty much anything due to digestive issues so the extra fastfood pounds from the first trimester actually did keep me healthy 🙂 if I had restricted my cravings I would have ended up not gaining enough weight to keep baby healthy!
And wait until he meets his awesome momma. You guys will have so much fun lifting in the gym together when he gets older. If you need a pal, talk to Ali – she is mentally strong especially in her journey after Roma. You got this Monique.