It’s Christmas and I’m flying on a plane to Brisbane from Cairns. Tony and I are headed to Byron Bay for the final part of our time here in Australia.
I wanted to take time out to write this letter because frankly, I’ve had incredible nostalgia while being here, taking me back to a period in my life that while I’m not proud of, was most definitely a learning experience.
About four years ago, Tony and I came to Australia for a dear friend’s wedding. We had only been seriously dating for about three months, but I wanted him to come along and so he did.
What I didn’t know, or expect from myself, is how judgmental I’d be, or how embarrassed I was regarding my body. How I spent all my time thinking about food and exercise, having it consume my thoughts and occupy my time. Or how I didn’t want to wear shorts because I despised my legs.
My own legs that have carried me through life.
Specifically I remember Tony and I went hiking in a few different spots and I didn’t want to take off my shorts or shirt, because I wanted to cover up the parts of me that were imperfect. The parts that were rigid, curvier or unsmooth. The parts of me that were simply human. Most of all I wanted to cover up the parts of me, that made me who I am.
During those moments and time in my life, I remember feeling so overwhelmed, depressed and consumed by food and also by my body image. I’d be distraught by the number on the scale and how heavily it weighed on my heart.
Since I was little, I’ve always used food as a coping mechanism for my stress and anxiety. But it wasn’t just food and body image driving my unhappiness, it was my desire for perfection.
Everything I did was to be perfect.
But we all know perfect doesn’t exist.
And while I completely admit that I’m still Type A, I’ve also become more accepting and compassionate of myself.
This time in Australia, I wear my swimsuit with confidence. I put on shorts daily because my legs are the ones that move me where I need to be. I don’t panic when I can’t workout because my mindset around food and my body has shifted. I recognize that being active can mean hiking or swimming and going to the gym doesn’t necessarily need to happen on a daily basis. I nourish my body with delicious fresh food like arugula fig and hazelnut salads, but enjoy a wagyu burger when I have a craving. I choose to have gelato and save room for it. I eat when I’m hungry and snack on trail mix, fruit and RXbars to replenish after a long hike.
I understand that I can always workout when I’m back home and that my body won’t go through a metamorphosis of change in just a few weeks. I am patient with myself and learn that it’s okay to be present and enjoy the little moments that life is throwing my way.
Most of all I feel balanced. No longer guilty, overwhelmed or consumed.
So what changed over these four years?
1. Learning to love food again! Wow, has this been a challenge. I mean don’t get me wrong I’ve loved food for as long as I can remember but always used it in a pleasureful or comforting way when I was dealing with anxiety or areas of stress in my life. Over the past few years, I had to learn how to love food for nourishment instead of for only comfort. How to find a balance of eating more veggie based meals that provided my body with energy and nutrients, but also enjoying pizza and burgers when I had a craving. And this was never perfect. Some nights I eat a whole Trader Joe’s butternut squash pizza and other nights I made salmon with veggies or a chickpea stir fry. When I go out to restaurants, I learned how to choose between what my body and mind needed at the time. And yes, I know that this isn’t always easy to figure out what balance means to you, because it’s different for all of us. There is no secret answer to figuring out food, but there are baby steps like learning how to cook healthy meals (that’s why I’m here for you) and finding a food lifestyle that keeps you satisfied and content.
2. Self care and self love! This has been a HUGE step for me personally and has taught me to love myself for who I am. Over the past few years, I practiced a lot of yoga, particularly in times of stress. I also started seeing a therapist to sort out my emotions and childhood trauma that sometimes still haunts me. Most of all I realized that mental health is SO important and needs to be at the forefront of our wellness journeys. I’m not embarrassed to talk about the issues that I’ve struggled with in life because I think sharing them gives me the ability to inspire and empower others who are struggling.
Some of my biggest self care habits this year included: morning walks with music, baths with coconut oil and music, monthly massages, more girl time with friends, traveling, hiking and designing a space in my home to make me feel happy (my bedroom). But self care doesn’t necessarily have to be about spending money; it’s simply supposed to be about carving time into your days or weeks to reconnect with yourself.
My favorite relaxation and self-centering tip: For 5 minutes take deep breaths in and out, close your eyes and think of a place that makes you feel calm and refreshed. Questions to ask during this process: What does it smell like, what are the colors around you, how does it look, how does your skin feel, what noises do you hear in this space?
My special place is a lush green forest. The birds are chirping all around me and the air smells crisp and fresh, almost as if it just rained. There’s mud on the ground and I’m heading up a steep hill to a drop off point that overlooks a crystal clear lake. My skin feels a little damp and as I reach the top, I sit down on a rock and view the gorgeous water. I noticed the trees surrounding the lake and how they breath life into the place. It makes me feel calm and comforted.
3.Keeping an open mind, and practicing patience. When it comes to everything. And I am still working on this. I try to be open minded when it comes to my work, food, my body, my emotions and feelings, my heart and soul. But most of all, I want to feel okay in every moment and know that life just isn’t about going to the gym or about what I’m eating at a restaurant. That there’s more to life than food, and feeding the soul comes from time well spent.
I spent a lot of my time consumed by thoughts around food and exercise, and all I got in return was unnecessary stress. Now? I fill my days with creativity, goal-setting, spending time with people that lift me up and doing the things I love most. I open my mind to the things that make me feel good, and I’m unapologetic about those things.
Introducing the HGG Reset
Through this process I’ve not only learned so much about myself, but also about the power of food and how it makes me feel. I understand that food can be overwhelming, and that relationships with food can be complicated. I’ve been there! That’s why Lee and I created the HGG Reset with our Healthy Glow Co. team – to show you that you can enjoy uncomplicated, delicious recipes that honor your body’s nutritional needs while satisfying your taste and hunger cues.
This is why I’ll be doing the reset right along with you! Because I truly believe in the power of these nourishing meals. As you know I’ve had years of experimenting in the kitchen – from cooking with my mom when I was younger to creating recipes that I get to share with you guys. This 4 week nutrition plan includes easy instructions that will not only help you learn how to cook nourishing, healthy meals, but also teach you how to meal prep and plan without feeling overwhelmed.
About the reset:
We specifically chose ingredients and created 60 recipes that aren’t just “healthy.” The ingredients we selected are ones that will help power you through your day feeling good and with lots of energy. We’re all about including more of these feel-good foods, rather than focusing on what to remove like many resets, “detoxes,” or diet programs.
With these foods come recipes that are flavorful, creative and nourishing. They’ll leave you feeling satisfied and energized, rather than hungry and deprived. Technically the reset is only 28 days, but we hope that you’ll discover how much you love eating like this and want to incorporate these tools into your everyday life.
We want you to walk away with a renewed sense of confidence and better relationship with food – both in and out of the kitchen.
What does the plan include?
1. 4-weeks worth of 60+ exclusive recipes – including snacks
2. Weekly grocery lists
3. Meal prep instructions for Sunday and Wednesday of each week
4. Each recipe is gluten-free, with options to make them dairy-free and vegetarian
Make 2018 your healthiest yet! Start by fueling your body with nourishing meals that it craves.
Grab your copy of the HGG Reset here, and use the code RESET10 to get $10 from now until Sunday, 1/7!
If you haven’t yet, sign up and join Lee and I for our LIVE webinar this Sunday, January 7th at 8:00pm (CST). We’ll be sharing our wellness journeys and tips, and answering all of your questions related to food, wellness and everything in-between. Can’t wait to see you there, xo!
Haven’t received anything yet – just found you
Hi, Kari! So sorry for the confusion. This program is no longer running, but we have an amazing 7-day meal plan that might interest you 🙂
I am so happy for you, I am struggling with food right now, and I get it when you talking about how good it feels to not be overly consumed by what should I be eating the next 4 hours. And I’m really inspired by what you said about the legs, and why you were wearing shorts! It’s beautiful 😍 (I hate my legs, they’re so rubbing against each other that would hurt to wear shorts! I hope 🤞 I’m gonna fix it this year! Thank you and happy 2018!)
Hi Nina! Thanks so much for your note – sending you good vibes on your food + wellness journey in 2018!
Thanks for writing this. Having been there myself I really appreciate your honesty. I too have finally found peace but only really at 100% in the past half year! And man, it feels good 😉 Never go back when there’s so much to enjoy and do, right?!
Thanks so much for your note, Kirsti! I’m glad you’ve been finding more peace – it’s so important. Totally agree, there’s is SO much to enjoy! Have a great weekend 🙂
This was a fantastic post! I really identified, especially with being so rigid with your diet – I used to be the same way. My fiance is a personal trainer and he actually wrote a blog post breaking down mathematically why straying from your diet for a day can’t ruin your results – I thought it might interest you. It definitely helps remind me it’s about the lifestyle, not the meal! 🙂
http://www.gains.af/blog/binge-cant-harm-long-term
I’m so glad you enjoyed this one, Elizabeth! Totally agree that it’s about the lifestyle instead of the meal 🙂 Your fiancé’s post has a great angle, too! Thanks for sharing!
Such a great post! Totally resonated with this, especially since I just wrote my own post called “You Will Never Have the Perfect Body (and Here’s Why That’s Okay). Thank you for sharing your journey; I know it’s not at all easy. <3
Amazing! I love what you say about how we’re not all meant to look the same – it’s seems obvious, but it’s a great reminder! Thanks for reading along, Nicole 🙂
I always love your approach to health and wellness. No fads, no stupid rules, just focusing on how you feel, especially after a long term eating disorder which I can completely relate to. Thanks for sharing, and I think the reset plan will be really helpful for people!
Thanks so much for your note, Kelly! And yes – all about focusing on your inner-self instead of what “everyone else” decides is “healthy.”
Monique, this post was killer and couldn’t have come at a better time for me. You’re so courageous to be honest about your struggles with body image; bravo, girlfriend. I aspire to be this open with my readers and even with myself. I too, feel guilty if I’m not going to the gym religiously or staying as toned as I once was, especially when I’ll be “seen” in a swim suit or shorts. For instance, next week I’m going on a dreamy romantic Hawaiian vaca with my hubby, but you know what thoughts have been on the forefront of my mind? That I’m not “swimsuit ready”, should’ve gone to the gym more, or wish I was as toned as I was this time last year. Basically, all garbage. That’s certainly not what this vaca is about or even close to what my husband thinks, so why am I? Great perspective, Monique. Thanks so much for bringing this to my attention!! It’s so important to talk about these issues.
P.S. I’m obsessed with your high-waist white shorts. You look AMAZING and I seriously need them for next week! (HAHA) Where did you get them!?
Thank you so much for your note, Amanda! SO true about the idea of “swimsuit ready” – there’s so much out there on social media (especially this time of year) that’s about “building your swimsuit bod in the winter”, etc. Being in a swimsuit is about celebrating the chance to swim, soak up the sun, and enjoy life! Have so much fun in Hawaii with your hubby! I know I’ll be missing it when we head home. And my shorts are from Revolve! I think these are them 🙂
Absolutely love this post! It gives me hope to live a balanced, healthy life soon too!
Also I´m really looking forward to a post after your honeymoon about Australia since I´m going there in March too and I definitely need some tips on where to go and what to do 😉
I’m so glad! And yes, I’ll have to write a recap to share 🙂 You’re going to absolutely love it there!
I REALLY related to this post. I’ve read your blog for a while, but I didn’t realize we had so many things in common until now. I am type A/way too demanding on myself but have had to learn how to balance. My legs are definitely an insecurity as well. I love unhealthy foods, but I also love the way I feel when I treat my body properly. It definitely is a balancing act, and I have a ways to go, but I always enjoy your heartfelt posts. I like how you’re so open and honest about your struggles and victories.
It is for sure a balancing act! Have to remember to be kind to ourselves, too, so important. Thanks so much for reaching along, Natasha!
Hi! I was just wondering if anyone else that uses Bloglovin’ has had issues pulling up your site. I’ve noticed the past few weeks that the title of your post will come up in my feed, but it won’t load the actual post. I had to come to the site separately. Thanks!
Hi Stacy! Very strange – I’ll definitely look into it. Thanks so much for the heads-up!
It’s fixed! For the first time in weeks it popped up on my Bloglovin’ feed–thank you! It may have been fixed a few days ago, but I’m just catching up on reading my feed after Christmas vacation. Thank you!
Oh fabulous! Glad to hear that. Thanks for the update, Stacy!
I can’t thank you enough for writing this post as it really resonated with me. For at least 10 years I haven’t been content with my body (since my first child), I’ve been on countless diets, spending money on meal replacement shakes and constantly comparing myself to others. Well enough is enough! I’m tired of being consumed of thinking about the negatives about my body, my body has made 2 beautiful, healthy children. It takes me places, it allows me to enjoy life. I need to thank my body, not criticise it on a daily basis. I do need to look after my body more, I don’t fuel it as I should but this is a work in progress and I’m looking forward to this learning journey! Thank you Monique for making me see straight. xx
PS I didn’t realise you are Australian. I’m from Manly
Michelle – thank you so much for your note! Your words resonate so much with me, too. Know that you are not alone – it takes time to truly appreciate our bodies for everything they can do for us! Thanks again for being here, and have a great rest of your week 🙂 (Also, I’m from the States! Just visiting Australia on my honeymoon. It’s my favorite place in the world!)
Monique ! Thank you so much for posting this ! Finding peace is exactly where I am at right now . I appreciate your openness . Health is a journey mind, body and spirit . <3
You are so welcome! Starting off 2018 with peace <3 Thanks Krysten!
Thank you for sharing! In today’s society, it is so common for women and men to have these similar journeys with food and our body image. It is a relief to see a blogger who promotes fueling your body with delicious foods that can be pleasurable and healthy instead of just pushing the “healthiest and cleanest” foods on their readers. As if it is shameful if you do enjoy a greesy pizza once in a while. Food hold no moral value and I appreciate this post which emphasizes this!
I totally agree! It’s all about balance in my book, and like you said, foods that can be both pleasurable and healthy. Thank you for your note, Nicole!